of adapting.

truth is, there' s nothing much to say here anymore. rasa macam dah tak relevant nak membebel kat sini hihi. now whenever i am emotional i would just sleep or browsing for something to keep my mind away from what annoys me. is that a sign of maturity? hahahaha.

i'm still not pregnant, and still doing my masters (super slowly, i know huhu). not saying we are happy not to have kids at the moment - we do love kids but to own one or two or three, gosh, even thinking about it makes us nervous hahahah. it feels funny to be seeing each other like all the time - we even work together, at the same place. sometimes i escape work in the morning or evening on days i don't have classes so i could just be alone, all by myself.

it's weird, isn't it? masa belum kahwin, soooo loooking forward to be together hahaha. not that i hate his presence but sometimes i think it is best to have 'me' time. feels so good afterwards hihi. my 'me' time is when i cook. or ironing work attire. i love to cook but not ironing. hate it so much i feel like i need to change all my baju kurung - nak cari yang tak perlu gosok hahaha. another thing i hate to iron is husband's pants. paling tak suka hihihi. he wears khakis to work, that's good enough but you know la khakis ni kadang kain dia macam tak gosok je stress tau hahaha.

but thank god husband is okay as long as i gosokkan. ala kadar pun dia okay je hihi. husband is not that cerewet sebenarnya. bolehlaaa. once in a while he would comment my cooking but most of the time dia suka je. and suka suruh masak benda sama jeeee. aku yang fedup hahahah. dia suka i masak yeemee goreng, sik goreng daging pun dia suka je, ayam goreng kunyit, sup cendawan, ehh macam senang-senang sangat je menu aku ni hahahaa. kari aku tak pernah masak. paling rumit pun masak soto. tu pun skali je sebab aku rasa makan berdua je macam buat letih je masak soto hahaha. 

sekarang sejak pindah rumah, seronok sebab kedai dekat je. tak payah start enjin kereta. hehehe rezeki rezeki. nak cerita pasal urusan beli rumah dah takde mood sebab aku rasa each time recall balik mesti ada bibit-bibit sakit hati bahahaha. eee tak suka huhu.

okaylah. enough merepek. stress pulak apesal pc tak detect file gambar dalam hp ni. grrrr.

the long silence.

hello there. i know, i know. i dont write as much as before. i miss pouring down my emotions here. but i guess now i'm just too busy with things that are far more important than my emotions *cryyy*, so yeah that's why i've been missing for more than a month .

marriage is okay, so far we went to few places for holidays - something i rarely did when i was single haha. i was so busy with work i seldom took leaves. now, i'm more than delighted to apply and use all the leaves provided hahaha. i would say that without patience and love, it's very difficult to sustain a marriage. it's super duper hard. patience is one thing, love is another. and tolerance is another matter. not that i am complaining, it's just that i find it easier being single hahah. easier, but lonelier hihi. kalau orang tanya apa pendapat aku pasal kahwin muda - penuhkanlah iman di dada wehhh. sangat mengurut dada dapat pasangan kepala angin ni hahahaha. by that, i mean both of us are kepala angin hihi. nasib kau lah badan hihihi. 

earlier this month, we moved into our new crib. yeayyy, at last! after a year struggling to own a house - still tak settle *sigh*, aku dah jadi mak singa dah okay. fighting dengan lawyer hahaha. that's another matter that requires patience. hell a lot of it hahaha. aku rasa macam nak bakar pejabat lawyer tu pun ada. pejabat developer lagilah kecik besar kecik besar je aku tengok grrrrrr. so now kami sental je duduk rumah tu sementara dapat semua dokumen pemilikan. we struggled like hell sebab bayar dua rumah since oktober. gila sakit poket hua hua hua. pesan aku, nak beli rumah ni bersedialah cash yang (sangat) banyak sebab memang teruk jugak la aku kena hihi. rosak rekod bank huhuu.

tapi apa pun, aku bersyukur dapat beli rumah di usia muda. tak besar, tak mewah tapi cukuplah untuk jadi tempat perlindungan kami. nanti dapat rumah lain, bolehlah rumah tu jadi side income aku untuk shopping eehhhhh hahaha. seronoknya boleh pergi bercuti every month. jadual sangat busy. study sangkut. otak semak. bickering hari-hari. boleh jadi gila kalau tak pi bercuti hahaha. lagi seronok kalau parents in law sponsor hahaha menantu hantu betul.

sebut pasal menantu hantu ni, in laws rivalry wujud rupanya. berdengki, busuk hati, sakit hati semua ada hahaha. apa aku buat? gelak jela sambil berkongsi-kongsi secara santai dengan somi. biar somi tau benda tu wujud hahaha. niat aku nak be nice je. kalau ada yang rasa tergugat kedudukan, pada aku siapa suruh diri tu tak beradab hua hua hua. hidup ni, biar sedar diri. kalau menumpang, tanamlah rasa merendah diri. bersyukur. bukan berdengki satu sama lain. haiyooo tak faham akulahhh.

on the other hand, sejak kahwin ni mak aku asyik terasa aku memberatkan keluarga somi. apa nak buat mak, somi saya ni memang sangat menjaga ibu bapa dia. saya redha sajelah sebab syurga saya dengan dia. saya cuma boleh berdoa minta mak maafkan saya saje. dan redha dengan situasi anak perempuan mak ni huhuh. sedih jugak. hancur luluh hati ni bila mak cakap macam-macam tapi tabahlah wahai hati. ini jihad merebut syurga, mungkin.

life is never easy. huhu. we just got back from a holiday last weekend, but now i really feel i need another break. dasar malas kerja dah ni hahaha.

p/s: i'm resigning from my position, but new boss said i should give her a try. should i?

there's always the first time.

after almost five months being married, this is the first time my husband goes to the mall without me. again, WITHOUT me. i become so sad because of this. no, to be exact, i am super depressed. haih. i was so sad seeing him leaving just now. 

and tomorrow is the day when i'm meeting my supervisors. as if two are not bad enough, i have three. one is already menakutkan, and i have three. THREE. phewwww. one is the director of M*****M, another is the deputy dean, the last one is the coordinator. what shit have i gone into????

as much as i am convincing myself that things are gonna be fine - still i am depressed. i don't have much time as i am not discipline enough. i have so many things in my mind. sampai satu tahap i would just give an empty stare as i do not know what to think anymore. pathetic.

whatever.

i am just sad that my husband leaves without me. well, it's actually my decision to just stay at home. deal with it, lady.

i just wish he is saddened by it, and returns home quickly to his clingy wife. hrmmm.

i.m.d.e.a.d.

running out of time. 
rasa macam nak quit my job.
i love my research.
but i need time. time time.

haihhhhhhhhhhhh.

woohaaaa.

esok jumpa sv.

haihhhh moga dipermudahkan semua.

takut undang-undang atau takut mati?

aku ni seorang yang paranoid macam-macam. dek kerana paranoid yang pelbagai, maka aku dilihat sebagai seorang yang skema di mata orang. hari ini, aku nak cerita betapa paranoidnya aku bila naik kereta.

bila naik kereta, benda pertama aku akan pastikan adalah kereta dikunci secepat mungkin. kereta aku kereta murah, takde autolock hahaha. maka aku cepat-cepat tekan batang kunci before aku start enjin. ini kerana dalam kepala aku sering terbayang pintu dibuka secara tiba-tiba oleh perompak lantas aku dirompak dalam keadaan tak bersedia. LOL of course la tak bersedia, kalau dah bersedia bukan dirompak namanya. itu lakonan lol lol lol.

kedua, aku akan letak handbag di belakang kaki. tak sepatutnya mengganggu kerana handbag tak sepatutnya bersaiz bagasi beroda lol lol lol. trend sekarang which handbags are supersized - aku tak boleh ikut sebab nanti susah nak selit belakang kaki. perasaan sedikit haru biru kalau aku drive, penumpang sebelah letak bag atas lap. boleh buat aku tertekan lantas bergaduh kerana penumpang berdegil hua3. mak aku suka letak bag atas riba, kemudian dia akan selit dengan seatbelt konon kalau peragut pecah tingkap still takleh amik bag dia sebab dia dah secure dengan seatbelt. point aku, tingkap pecah sapa nak ganti? kena toreh tangan sapa nak jawab? tu kalau toreh. kalau tetak? ohhh tidakkkkkkk. i can't imagine. terlalu paranoid bab ni. 

ketiga, which is the main point of this entry. pemakaian seatbelt. hello, it's bloody important okay. kalau naik kereta mahal sikit dia akan ada bunyi selagi kau tak fasten seatbelt. kereta aku murah so takde bunyi melainkan mulut aku memekak sound sana sini suruh pakai bahahaha. come on, penting tau seatbelt ni. bila crash dia akan membantu kau stay in place - bukan melambung-lambung dalam kereta atau terpelanting keluar. ramai tak suka pakai seatbelt katanya tak selesa. eleh, pakai spender kau ingat selesa? tapi kenalah pakai kan kalau tak takan nak bergoyang goyang sana sini pula. yang perempuan pakai bra ingat best ke? rimas jugak kan tapi takan nak bagi tetek kau menyapu lantai pula lama kelamaan. see, kenalah pakai sebab semua itu ada kebaikan tersendiri despite all the discomfort.

okay, analogi aku mungkin melampau mengaitkan bra dan spender. but cam'on, didikan harus bermula di rumah. pernah aku baca kes accident di shah alam yang melibatkan beberapa students ipt. khabarnya, mangsa tercampak keluar. bila aku tengok gambar kenderaan, benda pertama aku notice was all the seatbelts were still intact, and in good condition. meaning they weren't used. and please know, the airbags wouldn't deploy if seatbelts are not fasten. manufacturers bagi airbags penuh kereta pun, kalau tak pakai seatbelt takde guna beb. sapa nak tangkap kau time kau melantun terpelanting keluar tu. and ingatlah seatbelt sama penting bila duduk di kerusi belakang. your weight will kill the front people. weight and momentum, you do the maths.

dan aku ada mention ada kereta kalau tak fasten seatbelts, akan ada bunyi yang annoying kan? but some people they thought they are clever. by doing this:

look at the driver's.

picture's taken from google.

mati memang di mana-mana. dan boleh jadi bila-bila. tapi kalau benda boleh elak tapi tak buat - bukan ke ralat nanti?

so sekarang persoalannya, adakah korang pakai seatbelt kerana takut undang-undang, atau takut mati? or simply sebab malas nak dengar bunyik beeep beeeeppp beeeeeppppp?

renung-renungkan dan selamat pakai seatbelts.

tiada apa yang mudah.

hidup ni susah.
nak senang lagi susah.
dah senang pun susah hahhaha susahnya nak hidup.

takde sapa maklumkan kat aku susahnya nak hidup sebagai orang dewasa.
bila dah melaluinya, adohai macam nak jadi kanak-kanak sampai bila-bila.
if my dad is still here, surely he would laugh looking at how miserable my life is.

no, not that i'm suffering with my newly married husband.
not gonna say it's all heaven, but still within control.
rumahtangga mana yang tak dilanda merajuk?
hahahha aku la tu.

kewangan sangat teruk ni boleh buat kau hilang akal.
poor husband.
my husband is a quiet man.
dia tak banyak nak cerita benda-benda yang dia susah hati ni.
he keeps all to himself.

me, on the other hand adalah sangat expressive.
semua benda nak cerita lepas tu menyesal hahaha.
laju mulut dari otak kadang-kadang huhu.

we are struggling now financially.
not saying i buka pekung di dada or whatsoever.
but just a reminiscence of what i had gone through masa mula-mula kerja, nak hidup stabil.
it took me a year just adjusting to the new life, and to be wiser in handling my financial.

i just hope this time, it's not gonna be that long.
with the experience i have, perhaps it would help me to pull us out.

i can do this!

i miss my husband.
nak balik hug hug hug sampai terlelap la.
the feeling is 'undescribeable'.

love you husband.
happy anniversary yang ke lapan tahun sepuluh bulan.