hatred and racism. who is at fault?

recently i was bored enough so i decided to spend some time with my colleagues in the office. most of the time,  i would just be in my room doing my work, but that day was exceptional. i think there was something i needed to submit, therefore the need for me to be there so i thought why not i chitchatted for a while. since i don't usually meet them, it was nice to sit and talk to them - just for a quick catch up of how others were doing.

we were talking about kids. since i don't have one yet, so i talked about my nieces instead. of their progress, their funny antics etc. i still remember i was telling them that one of my nieces loves to watch educational clips on youtube. there was a time, i caught her watching a clip, the lyrics were of course beyond my understanding, but i know instantly it was some sort oh Hindu 'nasyid' when i heard the god's name - Ramakrishna. we were actually laughing more of because it was sung in tamil and she made the head movement resembling the Indian dance, and seemed like she enjoyed herself too. but worry not, people, because after that i persuaded her to change to another clip and she forgot about it in seconds.

so that was the story of my niece. what shocked me was the response i got from my colleagues. i was hoping they could laugh on that because i think it is funny to think how innocent a child can be, not knowing the impact of singing such song, what more knowing who is Ramakrishna she was singing about. but i was wrong. because my story was taken in a different manner. 

this is how she responded to my story:

she started telling me about her son who loves lights. whenever they go somewhere full with colourful lights, the boy would excitedly show them with a happy face, and they would address that by telling him this and that. there was once, they were passing by a Hindu temple, and being a kid he was, he was excited to see the lights and started to call his parents. instead of responding like always, the mom just looked at him, and said nothing, the boy insisted showing the lights but again, no response. later, the boy cried because he was confused and i bet he was so scared why mommy was so quiet hahahaha. the mom told me, she actually didn't know what to do at that time; thinking that she could not address her son's excitement because she didn't want people to think her son is into 'Hindu' when he gets excited each time he sees a Hindu temple. at this point i started to feel uneasy. she continued she got an idea on how to teach her son to dislike temple - so each time they were passing by the temple, she would make faces - like you want to vomit, like it was disgusting. and now, her son is fixed according to her because when they pass by the temple, her son would make faces too.

i felt so sick hearing this, i feel like losing my mind for few seconds. my mind was full with questions. why are you teaching this to your kid? it is wrong. you don't puke seeing other people's religious places. like the non muslim should make faces when they see a mosque. why should they, by the way? it is a sacred place for the believers. why are you teaching this to your kid?

at the age of 2, he may not understand it yet. but hatred stays if you instil it since the very beginning. it is easy to love, but so hard to remove hate from your heart. why can't you just explain? i mean, of course he wouldn't get it first because he was actually addressing the lights, nothing else. in fact i was amazed when i know he didn't cry to see all the sculptures like some other kids i know. and why are you so scared? isn't it good that your kid could know all types of 'rumah sembahyang' because we are living in diversity? 

seriously, i don't get it. i already pictured me and my kid - my response would be totally different. i would say yes, the lights are beautiful, and that is a temple for Hindu. but we are muslim. we don't go to temple. we go to the mosque and start showing pictures of mosques on my hp. i will keep telling my kid the same thing, and if needed, i would drag the kid's father to putrajaya too so i can show my kid the mosques *tetiba je putrajaya padahal ada je masjid dekat rumah hahahah*

we are living in diversity. rather than saying they are all immigrants which i dont agree at all - read history. Hindu was here long before us. habis kau ingat bersanding, berinai penuh tangan tu daripada mana? but that's a different story. we as parents must not let our child to hate. if you are scared of their faith, work hard on it by practising Islam at home. in fact, as muslims we must not look down on other religion. the right to practise your religion, remember? what you can do is to be a daie, to show them the beauty of Islam through your manners. 

i'm sorry, but i am against those who think they are better than the others. my religion doesn't teach me that. what about you?

p/s: my colleagues are actually nice, but they are just normal people who have their own thinking that may not suit mine. but still, they are nice people. i don't write because i want to bash her, but to address the absurd thought she had, and how she reacted to the issue. this, i believe is common among us, unfortunately. 

hello?

1. i have so many things to write. but the thoughts of unknown readers may be reading and judging my writing scares me. i mean, i know it's my right to say whatever i feel like because this is my page, my blog - but i am also scared of the thought that i am accountable of what i write. sedangkan pakai stokin warna kulit pun boleh menimbulkan fitnah, maka harus ditegah, then what if my writing makes people assume something that is not true? would i be claimed accountable for that, at the end of the day?

2. i am far from being a perfect muslim. but it saddens me when kids nowadays ruin themselves for the sake of love. that's not love, that's lust. apa itu lust? pi bukak dictionary. belajar malas yang kau tau dok menyondol sana sini. i am scared of the future. i don't have kids, but it is already scary to see what's happening now. and it is upsetting when muslims don't care much of adab. adab menegur, adab berkata-kata. kenapa rasa kita sempurna? iman kita lebih teguh? amal kita lebih baik? itu takabbur. hidayah itu milik Allah. berdoalah supaya Allah kekalkan iman di hati kita, dan saudara sesama Islam. bashing one another, comparing one another - haiyohhh why must you play god, people? who are we to judge? we are the sinners, not sinless.

3. i feel like talking about my in laws. my ipar duai. but i am afraid people would misunderstand me. not that i don't like them. and not that i want to bitch them here either. but we are so different. to the extent i question myself - am i normal or what? hahahaha. i don't understand in-laws rivalry, because i feel nothing to be jealous about. we have our own lives, why bother about others'? i don't understand the concept i like her more, i like her less, orang ni tak ngam sangat, yang ni okay etc. i don't understand why must u fuss over nenek sayang lebih cucu mana, anak yang mana kesayangan etc. truth is, we are all outsiders. menantu ni semua orang luar. sayang lebih ke tak lebih ke aku peduli hapa? sayang tu subjektif. hati busuk tu tak boleh buang ke? hahaha tak, bukan emo cuma letih dengar itu ini dari orang tu, lepas tu kang orang ni pulak. too much negativity. at first, it hurt me to know this lady badmouthed me at the back. badmouth aku takpe lagi, kutuk husband aku - tu aku pantang hahaha overprotective punya bini. but lama-lama aku fikir, eh yang dok menyampai membakar-bakar perasaan aku ni pun dah kenapa? batu api ke apa ek? hahaha end up aku tak layan dua-dua. mampus la korang nak bergaduh rebut kasih sayang pun hahahahha. 

4. aku ada isu sikit nak guna nama sendiri for my blog. in fact, i love to write and knowing others read my writing, ada la jugak suka di hati. but i still want to keep myself as a secret. i can't reveal much about myself sebab aku tak nak nanti orang salah faham. what i write here could be intepreted wrongly kan. takutnyaaa wehhh orang ingat aku macam bajet good-good hahahahahaa. so, disebabkan aku ni kadang bipolar, kadang macam nak attention, kadang macam nak duduk di lautan dalam tanpa dihiraukan - aku selalu tukar nama. hahah bengong kan? haih.

5. kami kan beli rumah apartment. jadinya sekarang isunya adalah parking. kalau dulu kereta selalu ditimpa ludah, kahak segala macam, sekarang calar balar pulak ditoreh. anak siapa yang malaun sangat tu? dapat kat aku, aku bubuh mercun bola dalam spender kauuu tau. heh. mentaliti malaysian ke apa ek? nak kata aku duduk flat murahan, rumah ni lagi mewah banding rumah sewa dulu. rumah sewa dulu bersih je. tapi untuk wing aku la. wing lagi satu jahanam ahahahha. sebab tu sekarang ni hari-hari dok berzikir kat telinga laki nak rumah baru hahaha. tahun depanla kot paling cepat. mode berangan is on!

6. sekarang ni aku tengah dalam fasa nak membersihkan insta aku daripada makhluk tak dikenali hahaha. bukan apa, macam tak selesa orang follow kau, tapi kau tak tahu siapa dia. buatnya orang opis aku menyamar ke, mampus hahahahha. ally, aku follow ig kau tau. jangan remove aku plak hahaha. so far i cannot tolerate makhluk yang suka letak hashtag to every word. hashtag je dah macam satu perenggan esei wth. lepas tu yang suka repost-repost pun aku tak suka hahaha kekwat kan? rasa macam orang repost tu takde identiti, or sangat malas nak type caption sendiri. sebab caption aku best-best (mampusla perasan) so aku tak suka orang repost sebab macam takde effort. eh banyak plak cengkadak kau kan hahahah. haaaaaa kalau menjual pun sama. once in a while up gambar product okay lagi, ni every few minutes sampai penuh timeline aku - sorry memang aku palang. dahlah gambar kau pun kadang kabur, ntah snap daripada mana ke cemana ek tak selera nak tengok hahaha. lepas tu semua nak dihashtag erghhh tolonglah. yang gambar profile macam laki gay tunjuk body - memang mampus la aku takan approve. okay, paragraph ni memang buat aku kedengaran cam poyo, tapi takpelah aku memang poyo pun hahaha.

dah la tu. nak balik hahahah. minggu ni banyak membuang masa je. apa ke gila refresh blog sendiri harap orang update blog kat bloglist tuh. heh.

apa sudah jadi?

the nature of our job - we are not only educating; sometimes we have to do more than just that. to be a listener to them, to advise, to just be there so they know where they could turn to when things go wrong. we do more than just teaching the subject. we become curious when we sense something is not right. like when they did not turn up to class, we ask and we care. we scout here and there to get answers - and some would say we are being nosy, but we're not. seriously we have so much on our plates and we don't plan to add more. 

it is terrifying to know what the kids are capable of. we have many cases of them went missing - even family did not realise that their kids are not where they expect them to be. they followed newly-known-friends (usually girls) and we did our very best to find them back; to make sure they are safe. we did so many things here - visiting the hostel, weekly program with us of which we call it mentoring, etc etc etc. we do our very best to help parents in bringing up their children.

it is upsetting when there are parents accusing us this and that, saying unacceptable things to us when things go wrong with their kids. while we had done our best, where were you all this time? have you made sure that your kids attend classes? have you made sure your kids mingle with the right crowd? have you made sure your kids are okay? have you made sure that this is what you kids want? that they want to be here, in the very first place?

we are happy to have your kids. but it won't work if they don't have the heart to stay. you have to make them understand why they are sent here. why they need to study. why it is important to be educated. all the whys must be answered by you first, then us - the teachers. i know that's our job, but i thought parents should know better. 

listen to what your kids have to say. their thoughts matter. we have issues here now. students are so much into depression - they have to depend on medicine to stay calm and yes, normal. how bad you think it is now? 

i know life is hard. and i know parents want no more than just the best thing for the kids. splurging money on them helps. but to be there is more crucial for the kids. this is the time when their mind wanders and wonders. they need us. please do not abandon them, thinking that they are adults so they could find answers to life. just like all of us grown ups who sometimes get lost in this world - they are just the same.

why am i suddenly rambling like this?

i face them everyday. knowing them in trouble upsets me. maybe i concern too much, but isn't that good for a teacher? by looking at them, i could instantly know they are in trouble. how can i not help?

*sigh

misi 2015.

cepat sungguh masa berlalu, sekarang sudah bulan april. tiba-tiba rasa nak tulis di sini what i aim to achieve or have by end of 2015. ala-ala azam ke wishlist? entah, lantaklah hahaha. so here are the things:

1. my utmost aim is to complete my masters degree. ya Allah, tolonglahhh. dah tiga tahun kot dok struggling lagi. bukan sebab pengajian itu susah - tapi masa itu terhad. plus, aku dah tak sekuat dulu. sekarang by the time balik kerja badan sudah macam kain buruk. bersukan pun kerana terpaksa sebab badan semakin membesar bagai juara huhuhu. aku siap berazam, nak jadikan my masters degree hadiah ulangtahun kedua kami. konon-konon buat pembakar semangat hahah.

2. nak teruskan sesi belajar menjahit. i love sewing clothes. dalam kepala macam-macam design jubah konon nak produce. tak dapat jual, pakai sendiri pun jadilah. nak beli banyak nau masalah. aku ni pendek, berisi pulak. dada dan punggung african type sangat. beli yang muat dada, bahu kena alter, labuh kena kurangkan, tangan menggelebeh. huarghhhhhh. takpe, kita jahit sendiri je k. cuba. hurmm.

3. harapnya impian rumah baru akan tercapailah. hari-hari blogwalking tengok orang deko rumah, kemain membara semangat. husband pun kemain menyokong, siap guna website floorplanner buatkan plan rumah bagi isteri lebih seronok berangan hahahaha. berangan, berangan, dan teruskan berangan. dulu aku berangan nak beli rumah, alhamdulillah 2013 berjaya juga, walaupun cuma rumah burung. 

4. aku nak menambah umat nabi ni. kalau tanya memang takut. but humans are scared of the unknown. dah ada nanti, pandailah cemana nak handle hahahaha. speaking of this, period aku tak hadir bulan lepas. tanda dah ada, darahnya tak ada apakah? tak sukalah period ni main cak cak dengan aku hurmmm. 

okaylah, nak menyiapkan diri nak pergi sharing session. walaupun aku menyampah sangat dengan politik hofis, dan cukup bercinta nak beramas mesra dengan manusia tiruan - apakan daya aku pencacai cuma. mampuslah kalau orang tempat kerja aku baca ni hahaha. qila, kau jangan mention nama tempat kerja aku tauuuuuuuuuuuuuu. nanti aku dah tak boleh merempan gaya bebas kat sini hahaha. 

bye everyone. happy weekend!

short update before class.

my class is at 4 pm. since I am done with my work, so why not rant a little bit here hehehehe. 

1. I can now say I have a new routine that I am proud of, which is playing badminton hahaha. I am never into playing sports, but marriage makes you do weird things, I guess. Husband is a sport junkie; he plays almost anything kot. oh except rugby or american football. and congkak and batu seremban eh apa aku merepek ni hahahah. but telling you the truth, aku masih tak pandai main walaupun dah berbulan cuba main. and to make it worse, pairing with my husband doesn't make things better. stress yang amat. you know when they say, spouse will only show their true colour to their partner? so true. so aku kadang sampai rasa nak baling raket dan pulang berjalan kaki hahahahahha. I shall talk more about the tips: mars vs venus - sports edition hahahahha.

2. life is good for now. planning for a new home, new car, new job *eh tetiba* hahah. GST tak GST, life goes on. Malas nak fikir sebab nanti semak kepala. I should just keep my comments to myself. hari-hari berangan nak kereta apa, nak rumah macam mana. my IG is full with pictures of interior designs. rasa macam nak follow semua je hahahahah. kegilaan sungguh. bila lama-lama usha sana sini, i notice i really love bright spaces. rasa macam alive gitu. i already have in mind colours i want for my living room, dining room and family area. macam banyak sangat duit ni LOL. tapi takpe, berangan itu percuma.

3. my sister in law is getting engaged this coming june. busy busy busy. biras pulak akan bersalin anak kedua in 2 weeks, so she'll be busy handling her kids. another biras - lets just say dia tu unpredictable la ye hahaha. apa pun, i am more than willing to help. sebab siapa lagi nak buat ye dak? hantaran, mini pelamin - tu memang my job. plan nak cuti, tapi skang cuti susah sangat nak approve. mungkin cuti secara haram saje nanti hahahaha.

okaylah. time to go. sembang lagi nanti uolssss!