Tuesday, March 29, 2011

i'm waiting dearly for it to come.

i think what i've felt today is mostly caused by my bloody hormones. i love you so much, no doubt and undeniably. but i can't deny myself that i am seriously annoyed to certain traits of yours. or maybe, just habits. but that doesn't mean it has lessen the love i have for you. never. i miss you, tau. i really do. but all i want you to do is to help me going through this. so that when you pop out the WUMM question, i would be happy to instantly say yes, without any hesitation or the need to consider it and what not.

i love you dearly. so much and it kills to not having you next to me. let's just hope this is temporary. because i would never trade you with anything else. even with million dollars. 

please come, you bloody period.

life is treating her funny when you brush off all the painful things she did to you.

no matter how hard you try to look good, still you can't simply brush off your originality.
that you are the pathetic girl.

yes, you've changed your wardrobe.
but you forget your sandals, i believe.

because they are worn out, if you have the time to notice.

oh yeah, definitely you won't because hey, you never care because you think people don't look down on you.

if only you get what i mean.


Saturday, March 26, 2011

vengeance won't help you heal.

for so many years I've lived, I've been betrayed countless of times. Many of us have to deal with this, especially ladies because men don't have complicated minds like we, women do. so they would simply subside faster than women. :)

it hurts just as much as the very first time you were hit. no matter how much you say you wouldn't be bothered, you do. we constantly live in denial, didn't we?

however, after few times, you learned to bounce back within minutes. you know that anger, disappointment, vengeance will bring you nowhere. i learned that the more i let them go, the more at ease i feel. 

fine, you're bitter. but sometimes we let things ponder too much in our mind. and sometimes, the things that we think are the truth were not more than just uncertainty.

we never care to ask to the right ones. for instance, you got this one story that hurts you so much. and to make it worse, you were told that it comes from the mouth of someone you trust and know is nice. but just because you are clouded with your emotions, you slip the thoughts that you've known each other for years, that you guys were good to each other. Have you ever asked if it was true? Have it never occurred to you that she may be betrayed by the one who told you the nasty thing? she could be the victim, and you are part of it.

don't you feel bad about it? and is that true when you say that you know each other?

i bet you don't.

because friends do not let the others down. if there is something wrong, they would ask and make things clear. at least, they deserve an explanation why we despise them in the very first place.

we don't simply hate people, dear. there must be at least one simple reason, and they have the right to know.

I've been betrayed, my instinct tells. but my age resists me from hating you for hating me. my maturity makes me see that you're on a phase I'd gone through long time ago.

I'm truly sorry if in any way I've hurt you.  you know how much i hate hurting others just as much as you do. hopefully, after years you would realize that looks can really be deceiving and before that time comes, i will wait patiently to be friend again with you.

life is very funny, if you notice. people have interests. be careful so that you won't fall into that game. because when it comes to winning people's hearts, people would do anything to be the winner. including spreading lies and twisting stories. and you know what hurts you most with that? you've tried your best to help her, to make sure she is accepted and to make sure she gets the man she loves because she is your friend. and she pays you back with this.

i know i shouldn't trust people, some may say. but until when? i forgive and i let go. and i try to forget which most of the time i succeeded. because i know, keeping it inside won't help me build good relationships with anyone. i will always have doubts on people, and i couldn't think positive about others.

and that's not the life i'm looking for. 

sometimes the simplest wish becomes the toughest to get. because we always ask for perfection. and when we do, we forget that we are merely human beings with flaws.

try to forgive and move on. you'll see the difference it will bring to your mind, soul and life.

may you get what you wish, dear. :)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

harga sebuah kesempurnaan.

aneh bila melihat orang berlumba-lumba menegur membetulkan orang sana sini tapi lupa melihat cela sendiri.

tak, apa yang kau cuba sampaikan itu betul.
memang benar.

cuma niat yang baik tidak menghalalkan cara.
pendekatannya harus beradab dan lemah lembut.

Rasulullah s.a.w tidak terus menerus menjerkah memaksa.
tuturnya lembut, dan tegurannya diterjemahkan melalui perbuatan baginda sendiri.

aku sendiri sopaknya merata.
jadi memang bukan orang yang terbaik untuk membetulkan apa yang tidak kena.

cumanya jika sudah termaktub dalam kitab dan sunnah, kenapa masih mahu melawan?
sebab itu bukan cara kau, ye?

aneh bila aku tengok orang melaung-laung marah kerana diminta menutup aurat mengikut yang sepatutnya.
aneh bila aku tengok orang-orang berpendidikan beria-ia benar tidak bersetuju lantas menzahirkan dengan hijab yang lebih tidak patut.

aneh sungguh.

ye, aku faham kalian cuba menunjukkan cara mereka menegur itu tidak kena dengan jiwa. 
tapi perbuatan kalian menjelikkan aku.

sebab kita sering melaungkan yang muda harus hormat yang tua.
yang ada harus patuh pada peraturan dan undang-undang.

itu baru cerita dunia.

akhiratnya bagaimana?

tiba-tiba tak sama.
ceritanya sudah lain.

ish anehlah.
bukan apa, aku tahu aku ini penuh panau sopak cela merata-rata.
jadi bila ditegur aku diamkan sahaja.

sebab kalau kau melalak-lalak pun.
yang salah tetap salah.

bukan itu yang aku mahu hulurkan pada anak-anakku.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

a new start, i hope.

i have been blogging for quite some time as i find it relaxing and a kind of therapeutic. but due to some stupid misunderstanding, i decided to let go the previous one. well, so sad as it contains many hilarious, sad and happy moments but i can't control my anger and frustration anymore. everything is not right for me.

at least for now.

whatever i do, it goes wrong.
so what else can i do?

sappy lamb, you are.

but by the way, it is good to have a new start. lately my emotions were not treating me nicely, so hopefully i can remove all the anger and hatred and start having nice sweet and funny entries instead.
i really hope so.