hello?

1. i have so many things to write. but the thoughts of unknown readers may be reading and judging my writing scares me. i mean, i know it's my right to say whatever i feel like because this is my page, my blog - but i am also scared of the thought that i am accountable of what i write. sedangkan pakai stokin warna kulit pun boleh menimbulkan fitnah, maka harus ditegah, then what if my writing makes people assume something that is not true? would i be claimed accountable for that, at the end of the day?

2. i am far from being a perfect muslim. but it saddens me when kids nowadays ruin themselves for the sake of love. that's not love, that's lust. apa itu lust? pi bukak dictionary. belajar malas yang kau tau dok menyondol sana sini. i am scared of the future. i don't have kids, but it is already scary to see what's happening now. and it is upsetting when muslims don't care much of adab. adab menegur, adab berkata-kata. kenapa rasa kita sempurna? iman kita lebih teguh? amal kita lebih baik? itu takabbur. hidayah itu milik Allah. berdoalah supaya Allah kekalkan iman di hati kita, dan saudara sesama Islam. bashing one another, comparing one another - haiyohhh why must you play god, people? who are we to judge? we are the sinners, not sinless.

3. i feel like talking about my in laws. my ipar duai. but i am afraid people would misunderstand me. not that i don't like them. and not that i want to bitch them here either. but we are so different. to the extent i question myself - am i normal or what? hahahaha. i don't understand in-laws rivalry, because i feel nothing to be jealous about. we have our own lives, why bother about others'? i don't understand the concept i like her more, i like her less, orang ni tak ngam sangat, yang ni okay etc. i don't understand why must u fuss over nenek sayang lebih cucu mana, anak yang mana kesayangan etc. truth is, we are all outsiders. menantu ni semua orang luar. sayang lebih ke tak lebih ke aku peduli hapa? sayang tu subjektif. hati busuk tu tak boleh buang ke? hahaha tak, bukan emo cuma letih dengar itu ini dari orang tu, lepas tu kang orang ni pulak. too much negativity. at first, it hurt me to know this lady badmouthed me at the back. badmouth aku takpe lagi, kutuk husband aku - tu aku pantang hahaha overprotective punya bini. but lama-lama aku fikir, eh yang dok menyampai membakar-bakar perasaan aku ni pun dah kenapa? batu api ke apa ek? hahaha end up aku tak layan dua-dua. mampus la korang nak bergaduh rebut kasih sayang pun hahahahha. 

4. aku ada isu sikit nak guna nama sendiri for my blog. in fact, i love to write and knowing others read my writing, ada la jugak suka di hati. but i still want to keep myself as a secret. i can't reveal much about myself sebab aku tak nak nanti orang salah faham. what i write here could be intepreted wrongly kan. takutnyaaa wehhh orang ingat aku macam bajet good-good hahahahahaa. so, disebabkan aku ni kadang bipolar, kadang macam nak attention, kadang macam nak duduk di lautan dalam tanpa dihiraukan - aku selalu tukar nama. hahah bengong kan? haih.

5. kami kan beli rumah apartment. jadinya sekarang isunya adalah parking. kalau dulu kereta selalu ditimpa ludah, kahak segala macam, sekarang calar balar pulak ditoreh. anak siapa yang malaun sangat tu? dapat kat aku, aku bubuh mercun bola dalam spender kauuu tau. heh. mentaliti malaysian ke apa ek? nak kata aku duduk flat murahan, rumah ni lagi mewah banding rumah sewa dulu. rumah sewa dulu bersih je. tapi untuk wing aku la. wing lagi satu jahanam ahahahha. sebab tu sekarang ni hari-hari dok berzikir kat telinga laki nak rumah baru hahaha. tahun depanla kot paling cepat. mode berangan is on!

6. sekarang ni aku tengah dalam fasa nak membersihkan insta aku daripada makhluk tak dikenali hahaha. bukan apa, macam tak selesa orang follow kau, tapi kau tak tahu siapa dia. buatnya orang opis aku menyamar ke, mampus hahahahha. ally, aku follow ig kau tau. jangan remove aku plak hahaha. so far i cannot tolerate makhluk yang suka letak hashtag to every word. hashtag je dah macam satu perenggan esei wth. lepas tu yang suka repost-repost pun aku tak suka hahaha kekwat kan? rasa macam orang repost tu takde identiti, or sangat malas nak type caption sendiri. sebab caption aku best-best (mampusla perasan) so aku tak suka orang repost sebab macam takde effort. eh banyak plak cengkadak kau kan hahahah. haaaaaa kalau menjual pun sama. once in a while up gambar product okay lagi, ni every few minutes sampai penuh timeline aku - sorry memang aku palang. dahlah gambar kau pun kadang kabur, ntah snap daripada mana ke cemana ek tak selera nak tengok hahaha. lepas tu semua nak dihashtag erghhh tolonglah. yang gambar profile macam laki gay tunjuk body - memang mampus la aku takan approve. okay, paragraph ni memang buat aku kedengaran cam poyo, tapi takpelah aku memang poyo pun hahaha.

dah la tu. nak balik hahahah. minggu ni banyak membuang masa je. apa ke gila refresh blog sendiri harap orang update blog kat bloglist tuh. heh.