Tuesday, March 14, 2017

introvert

my laptop is back. so hopefully that explains why i didn't write for so long. ahhh i forgot to mention few keys on my keyboard are less functional. they are working, but if only you press hard enough heheh. i only write when i have my laptop, because that's the only way i feel safe and private. though some of the readers are my followers on ig (and i follow them back, im nosy like that, ehem) so no secret of who i am but still, the less the better it is for an introvert like me.

yeppp. i'm actually an introvert. but i would say aku ada split personalities hahaha. i enjoy being alone, but i would talk a lot when i'm truly comfortable with those people. many have described me as someone who is serious looking, cold and nampak sombong but once they get to know me they say i am crazy. but still i won't deny that i am socially awkward. aku tak pandai nak small talk, and occasionally aku tak reti nak say things related to occasion. for example, i would say odd things (something i must not say) at inappropriate times huhu. ada one colleague was so curious bila aku kata aku tak ramai kawan. in fact my husband is actually the only friend i can trust tapi tu pun ada benda aku still tak cerita. trust issue nampaknya ni hahahaha. 

berpengalaman ditikam berkali-kali, being insulted, judged and isolated just because i am different and just because i am not like the other typical girls so yeah, aku sangat sangat memilih untuk berkawan. just because i don't find it interesting untuk berlawan kata, doesn't mean aku tak terasa or sedih or whatever. nampak je muka macam tak peduli but god knows how i actually feel. pedih, trauma, takut dan serik. serik sampai aku terlalu berhati-hati. yet i made few mistakes because macam mana berhati-hati pun, aku hanyalah manusia biasa. ada masa dipengaruhi emosi. tapi this particular person did test my patience, yang hakikatnya aku bukanlah sabariah sangat. being an introvert helps, because i don't really care about others' matters or businesses. i only care mine. aku punye masalah pun dah berlambak haih.

but this lady. she tested my patience, and she even dared to think i am just like her. i am not, for god's sake. fact is, yes i was angry with what this man did. but who gives you the right to instill hatred into someone else's heart? and the fact that this man is blood-related, what makes you think it is wise to keep on hating him? i hate his doings. but not the man, because there's nothing i can do to change it. and his business remains his. not my concern. and not even yours. yang aku tak boleh blah tu, gila talam muka kau kan. depan that man pijak semut tak mati. ehek ehek tergelak layan elok pulak. belakang dia kau bersekongkol dengan ex wife mengata macam-macam bla bla bla. there's a reason she is now an ex, babe. he's not a nice man, fine. but she is not a saint either. so please la.

i have been existed long enough to see everything. even longer than you do. so please. i know what's happening, and i know people well including you. tak perlu nak perli-perli aku when i was not on your side sebab pergi mampuslahhhh dia nak buat apa punnnn! kesian anak-anak, adakah sampai perlu kau menjaja kisah bapa diorang? and maknya pun, perlu ke tak habis-habis carik buruk bekas tu? move on, please. belajarlah terima hakikat yang dah bercerai pun. dah berpisah, okay? memang that man sucks, kalau tak takdelah kau mintak cerai. tapi dah cerai pun masih buruk-burukkan pasangan.. sendiri pikirlah. dia tak bagi nafkah anak, kau fightlah di mahkamah. yang dok screenshot conversation korang, lepas tu share kat 'judge' tak bertauliah buat apa? kau dapat duit ke? tak kannn. tapi yelah, puas hati sebab dapat burukkan orang. lepas tu si hakim ni dok hasut-hasut suruh benci bapak budak-budak tu. sedangkan bapak budak tu darah daging kot. ehhh tak paham lahhh aku ni hahahaha terpaksa merempan kat sini.

kalau menantu, buat cara menantu. jangan jadi batu api ye pompuan. dulu kau lagakan aku dengan menantu lagi satu. hari-hari kau suap aku dengan screenshot si ex ni. seronok kau bila aku sedih. aku marah. katanya kesian kat aku. ehhh kesianlah kat kau sebab sekarang kau tu yang dalam pemerhatian. bukak cerita keluarga kat orang tak berkait hahaha nak mampus ek? kau kawen dulu daripada aku, yet kau la manusia paling dungu sebab tak belajar untuk kenal orang. kau tua daripada aku, tapi aku orang lama. aku dah lama wujud, lama sebelum kau datang. cerita kau semua dalam kocek, but i decided not to tell sebab aku tau apa rasanya bila tahu orang mengata pasal kita. aku tak bodoh macam kau, pompuan.

you keep on hurting me. sekarang, padan muka aku block no kau terus hahahaha. i have to sebab kau melampau.

i am an introvert. i don't speak much but i am not stupid. get it?


4 comments:

  1. woww..! mimpi ngeri nya bila ex wife bergaduh dgn bekas family-in-law .. lagi mimpi ngeri sampai mengigau-ngigau kalau aku yang dekat tengah-tengah.. dusshhhh...!

    semoga baik2 sahaja lah ye..

    :)

    ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahah you may have missed few lines while reading because it's not the ex bebbbbbbb! hence the probs with me now hahaha. kalau ex tu pi mam hang laaa hahah.

      Delete
  2. Hella. Kadang2 bila orang tak berpuas hati dengan cerita aku, aku prefer to just shut it and avoid that person. Udahlah nak gaduh pasal benda dalam kain ko. Penat.

    mizzyn.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tu la. letih layan emosi orang dengan aku skali emosi hahah

      Delete