there are times i feel like giving up.

sebelum aku dapat masuk belajar, aku kena attend temuduga dulu. antara soalan yang ditanya adalah tentang kesanggupan aku mengajar di ceruk hulu tanpa dibayar sesen pun. aku laju je jawab sebab sejujurnya, aku memang tak kisah. bak kata orang, dalam hati ada niat baik nak berbakti pada anak bangsa ecececehhhhh.

tapi lepas hampir dua tahun mengajar di tempat sama, letihnya bukan kepalang. letih sebab kualiti pelajar semakin menurun. seriously, i miss my old asasi students. batch yang first time aku ajar. terangnya hati mereka, ya Allah. ada perumpamaan berkata, if they don't learn the way we teach, teach the way they learn. 

the barrier is, if i focus too much on the way they learn that appears to be like a snail sleeping for three years fact - i can't cover the syllabus on time. they are super duper slow, or perhaps i should say zero. as if bahasa inggeris adalah bahasa yang datang dari neraka; no one has ever met or encounter with the language. 

arrgghhhh. entry ini terhasil akibat kekecewaan yang amat sangat. aku sayang students aku, no doubt but even parents sometimes hate their children. it's kinda love hate relationship. i hate my students for not listening and practising what i've told them. degil. super duper degil, that is.

ini bukan tahap kau nak gelak bila baca esei mereka. no more ooohhh aaaahhh comelnyeeeee type of essays i tell you. they are giving you depression on your face. haiiiiiiihhhhhhhh. stress. who on earth would write 'break brain' that actually means merosakkan minda?

and yeah. my student wrote 'fuck your facebook' yang bermaksud memasuki facebook anda. WTH. seriously? serioussssly??? when i asked her, she said in her dictionary fuck means memasuki.

shall i say, 'fuck you, dictionary' now?

who should i blame, students or dictionary?