mixed.

we went to klia few days back, just to watch planes. suka. teruja. teringin. rindu. bercampur baur. 

melihat kepada suasana sibuk di airport, melihat airplanes turun dan naik (mostly turun) dan melihat orang yang mahu berlepas pergi - aku teruja dan teringin. suka sekali mahu merasai moment yang sama. merasa ke negara orang, melihat pemandangan. shopping bukanlah satu keutamaan buat aku yang tak suka membeli kerana pasti sedih melihat duit menjadi sedikit heh.

teringin yang sampai kau rasa nak menangis sebab terlalu mahukan sesuatu. pernah rasa?

tapi dalam pada rasa seronok, suka dan teruja - aku terkenangkan sesuatu. i guess i still don't get over my grief. or is it normal to be kept reminded of your father? aku terkenang perbualan aku dengan dia. how he loved australia because he always heard about it from his brother. how he really wanted to go there. how excited he was when he got to go there. how excited he was telling me about it. how excited his photos were. how i miss that enthusiasm and joy. 

i had promised myself upon hearing and seeing how happy he was and how hard he wished to visit australia that i would one day bring him to wherever he wanted to go. now that i miss the chance, i feel a pang in my heart. something you can't describe with words. a disappointment, maybe.

Semoga Allah memurahkan rezeki aku untuk berbuat baik dan berbakti pada mama. supaya nanti bila mama dah tak ada, tidaklah aku terkenang-kenang hajat dia.

aku rasa, if i really get to fly to australia, i would cry. heh such a baby, i am. but i really miss my father. and his memories live in me. forever.