first boyfriend vs first love.

my first boyfriend was when i was fourteen kot. didn't work out that long pun sebab dia curang bahaaaa ayat tak menahan. i found out he was having another affair with a senior. i was crushed and cried days and nights sebab rasa macam diperbodohkan. bukan sebab aku suka sangat dengan dia pun tapi aku marah sebab dia menipu last-last kantoi. end up his cousin became my best friend but that one pun later on tak berkawan dah sebab dia suka kat aku and it spoilt everything. hahahaa such a bummer. papa gelakkan aku masa aku frust tu sebab dia tahu aku taklah frust mana pun cuma acah-acah sedih bila dengar lagu bila cinta didusta bahahaaaa soooo immature, i know.

after that aku terus terusan ada boyfriend. pertama, because it was the culture; everyone would have at least a gf/bf. me? many bahahaaa because i didn't know how to say no, and sometimes even though aku dah reject ada juga yang merayu-rayu nak juga so aku iyekan aje. lagipun saja nak test market, bahaaaaaahhhh what the what tapi yelah nama pun budak-budak. selalunya bila ada boyfriend aku tak layan sangat pun sebab bukanlah ada rasa apa sangat plus papa salu berleter jadi aku malas nak cari pasal. nak-nak bila kakak aku dah buat kes lagilah kawalan ketat dikenakan terhadap aku.

kes percintaan kat uni pun sakai jugak. my last relationship before yang current one neh lagilah macam najis. kalau nak cerita, memang boleh buat drama melayu. kalau mengikut dia aku lah yang stray tapi pejadah nak stay dengan dia bila dia pi bantai bertunang, kan? lagipun lepas family dia and ex yang dah jadi tunang and now wife dia tu buat aku macam dirt lagilah aku memang tak ada hati dah dengan dia. pantang aku bila lelaki tak boleh stand for themselves and of course la tak boleh stand for me kan. tapi dia memang membosankan pun. 

kenapa aku cerita semua neh? bukan nak bring up the past tapi aku nak kau tahu, walaupun aku dicop ramai boyfriend tapi semua tak memberi kesan hatta secebis buat aku. what i have for you is truly coming from my heart, you've affected me in many ways. you make me feel so comfortable being in my own skin. kau buat aku suka menjadi diri aku sendiri. you are my first love, if i can say that. in 7 years, you never fail to make me happy.

we have our ups and downs, but backing off is never an option. i love you more than i always mention. i'm not good in putting how i truly feel for you in words, but i know you know. it's mellow, i know but i just want you to know that i appreciate whatever you've done to me. your presence is the greatest gift. thank you for being such a great bestie and partner.

i wish i could buy you the world just to show you how much i love you, but i don't even have the budget to get you your gshock watch bahahaaaaa. happy 7th anniversary, sayang. may we be together, loving each other more and more for the years to come.

i love you, so much.