of fear and excitement.

entah kenapa sejak aku bekerja, i've listened to so many marriage issues - there were good and bad, but mostly bad. honestly, it creeps me to think of my future. i know i shouldn't be intimidated and not everyone is the same, but still i'm scared.

but at the same time i feel super excited. knowing that the wait is gonna end. and that i could wake up next to the one i love dearly. i'm about to marry my best friend. ada orang kata, bercinta dengan kawan baik atau bercinta kemudian menjadi kawan baik adalah dua perkara berbeza. i couldn't agree less. we started from friends to best friends, and now we're gonna marry each other - i wonder how it would feel hehehe.

ada kawan aku kata, it's not an easy marriage especially those yang dah bercinta lama (like me) and selalu jumpa (like me also). i asked why - and she said entah. sebab dah selalu jumpa, dah kenal. jadi bila dah kahwin kena terima what's coming. 

errrr aku rasa kalau tak bercinta lama dan tak selalu jumpa - that's what we do in marriage. sometimes it's confusing dengar kawan-kawan bercakap pasal rumahtangga. some are good tips but mostly menunjukkan siapa kita sebagai wanita melayu. kita banyak sangat idea yang tak realistik tentang kehidupan, life should be like how we read in romance novels - happily ever after, no arguments, no misunderstandings - everything is smooth and nice and happy and love alone is enough.

it's not. we need more than love to make a marriage successful. we need passion, patient, perseverance, improvement, enthusiasm, tolerance - just to name few. we need more than we expect is enough. i think communication is essential. i know that sometimes i'm very open and i may have hurt you sayang, but trust me it helps me a lot in our relationship. i'm glad we can talk over matters - private and general - and you allow me to discuss everything, every single thing that is on my mind.

and i feel blessed. banyak keraguan, sakit hati, kesedihan, anger, confusion dapat dihapuskan dengan berborak about it. ada masa aku serabut dengan bermacam hal - tapi bila aku dapat luahkan, aku rasa sangat lega. walaupun kerana itu kita bergaduh, atau merajuk, atau marah dan sakit hati - but i know because of it, we can understand each other more.

i'm sorry sometimes i'm very verbal - i talk about my issues openly with you sayang, but i'm glad i did it. i don't want to be a typical woman - suppressing everything within until it eats you up. i don't want to be bitter. bitter is not good for my soul. i don't want to bottle up everything, and explodes just because of one tiny matter. because my bottle is full.

i don't know what awaits me, us. but i know hope is there. i don't know what kind of marriage we would have - but whatever it is, i know my husband is my bestest friend, he is my soulmate, he's my everything. i've chosen him, good or bad he is. dengan izinMu ya Allah, aku mohon agar jodoh ini kekal sampai ke syurga.