persiapan raya, ucapan raya.

i am now tengah mengemas rumah. no, not my mom's house. rumah sewa ni ha. sedang menyiapkan tempat untuk katil nak sampai kejap lagi. tokei kedai perabot tu dah hari-hari call tanya boleh hantar ke tak. tak menyempat betul bahahahaha. so katil yang sedia ada, i put in the front room, nanti nak convert jadi bilik untuk tetamu. all this while i dump everything yang i can't decide nak letak dekat bilik mana so macam-macam ada. rasanya bila sort balik okaylah kot. how i wish this is my own house. while mengemas, terpandang-pandang langsir ruang tamu ni. terus terasa nak buat projek cuti raya. tengoklah kalau sempat hohohoho.

for now, barang nak bawa balik ampang dah letak dalam kotak. all the kuih raya, kerepek and what not. tahun ni aku tak buat kuih tart nenas, tak sempat and dah penat so i bought from a friend. susah nak cari yang betul-betul can satisfy my taste. semalam aku cakap dekat the other half, aku sebenarnya sangat cerewet and i just realized it. he laughed and said he has known that yearsss ago. it's difficult untuk memuaskan hati aku, especially when it comes to food. but then, aku makan je semua benda tapi nanti adalah sesi ho chak tetiba bahahahahhaa.

semalam, the other half belanja a new handbag. actually, i paid half of the price. but still jimatlah kan. macam ada diskaun 50% so it was a good buy hihihi. sebenarnya aku tak decide lagi pun nak beli ke tak, baru tahap berangan-angan aje. tahu-tahu dah dibawa ke kedai and disuruh check okay ke tak. still in the plastic, nak guna baru keluarkan heheheee.

baju raya, tak tahu my mom sempat siapkan ke tak. tapi aku nak cari tudung la juga sebagai persediaan. ingat nak cari sandals baru tapi fikir ada lagi heels yang aku baru pakai tak lebih lima kali, maybe i should just wear them sampai lunyai. 

mom mentioned about nak balik rumah nenek di bentong. she's my dad's mother. but i don't like her. because dia and her daughter, kakak papa treated my dad badly when he was alive. entahhhhhhhh. bukanlah aku tak maafkan diorang tapi aku tak happy when i need to spend for that trip; a trip yang aku tak looking forward pun. banyaklah cerita behind this yang membuatkan aku sangat bitter dengan diorang haih. 

sometimes, bila ada benda kau tak looking forward to in your family, and you can't do anything about it because they are family - i just wish at this time aku di luar negara. let it be working or studying so that i don't have to face them. at least you have an excuse to be away.

kejam, kan? i'm not proud with myself. but i hope ada orang yang faham perasaan aku. or at least tidak sewenang-wenangnya menghakimi aku.

but whatever.

di kesempatan ini, aku nak minta maaf to all kalau ada statement aku or penulisan aku yang menyinggung mana-mana pihak. i know i don't have many readers (aku selalu sedar diri pasal ni) but who knows, maybe someone stumbles upon my blog and be offended - so i'm sorry. ini tahun ketiga aku beraya tanpa papa dan it has never be the same anymore. but i always pray that as years pass by - things will get better and all of us will feel better. that we are happier.

may this year is better than before, that's all i can say.

and yeah, ini tahun ketiga aku bayarkan zakat fitrah for my family. i feel so grown up! hihi. i miss you, papa.