aja aja fighting!

1. date untuk defend research dah keluar. 4 dec 2012 - few more days to go.

2. working hard to complete proposal and slides for that presentation. roarrrrrrrr go go go girl!

3. suddenly becoming a brat and requesting the other half to write entries dedicated to me and he diligently did it. so suweet, almost cry. sheeesshhhh.

4. aku masih tak berapa sihat. demam membuatkan aku termimpi-mimpi benda merapu. that's a sign yang aku tak sihat.

5. aku akan mudah jatuh sakit bila life is so hectic.

nevertheless, i love my life now. so bring it on! ececeh padahal baru pas nak nangis sebab stuck dengan write up hahahaha.

bertabahlah uolssss.

Talking randomly.

1. the week is almost over. such a tiring week, but full with happiness. presentation on friday was good; although we could do better hihi. but congrats to all girls in the team.

2. during the presentation, once i was done with my part, the first presenter (i was the fifth) whispered to me asking for presentation tips. we are both lecturers, so i guess saying practice as a tip wouldn't make sense so i said you must sweat profusely. we both laughed and i continued to sweat like hell for like few minutes pfffftt.

3. aku teringat ada satu part dalam citer bond baru-baru ni - say the first thing that comes to your mind. contoh macam aku sebut makan, first thing aku akan associate dengan that word is sedap bahahaha. so on the day of presentation tu, the third presenter associated my name with knowledgeable - i was flattered. 

4. lepas kelas semua pun pakat tanya pasal research method dengan aku, konon nak berguru padahal aku pun tunggang tarak jugak bahahaha. aku sampai jadi sedikit annoyed sebab almost everything diorang refer pada aku or mintak pengesahan. hadoi. tapi takpelah, aku seronok jugak at least at the same time aku pun dapat refresh memory tua aku ni bahaha. ada kawan cina aku ni macam semangat tanya itu ini - i told my mom and mom said be careful sebab diorang ni cunning. hahah ada sekor memang cunning - apa aku ajar, dan bagi contoh guna tajuk aku end up dia tiru sebijik-sebijik. gila cilaka.

5. tapi aku berpesan pada diri, biar je. sebab kalau sekadar tiru tapi tak paham tak berguna juga hohoho. hurmm lately aku banyak cerita pasal kebaikan diri sendiri di sini, tapi jangan salah paham. bukan nak berlagak riak ujub segala - cuma aku nak mengenang kembali kualiti diri sendiri. aku selalu rasa down, rasa diri useless and hopeless so dengan harapan bila aku baca apa aku catat kat sini aku boleh buat diri lebih bersemangat ecewaahhh.

6. semalam dinner dengan family the other half, today merayap to ikea juga. picked his sister up at UIA lepas tu baru pergi ikea. hasilnya, betis aku tegang. my other half punya mak mempunyai kekuatan kaki yang sangat hebat; aku kalah dengan jayanya. plus, today aku demam. and aku cuma ada baki duit syiling je. sungguh sengkek bahaha.

7. sementara menanti the other half and his sister pergi buy food, aku dengan ibu pun berborak sakan. hurmm kadang aku rasa seperti belot dengan the other half, tapi kalau aku tak cakap yang benar, as if aku lah yang bersalah dalam hal ini. jujur jelah, aku pikir nak jadi menantu dah pun. maaflah makcik huhu. dahlah malas nak pikir nanti sedih huhuhu.

8. the other half ada satu tabiat - suka buat ulasan cerita through sms. contoh macam ada movie kat tv, tapi aku decide tamau tengok - dia akan cerita what's going on bla bla bla. kalau 3 jam cerita tu, 3 jam la sms pasal tu bahahaha. adik aku selalu tanya, apa je yang kitorang sms kan; ha ni lah salah satunya.

9. aku perasan trend terkini remaja sekarang - sambut monthly anniversary wth. hepi monthaniversy kejadah tah eja aku tak tau. guess i'm too old? or sebab hubungan kami dah nak masuk almost 8 years so 94 months dah perghhh kopak kopek nak beli hadiah tiap-tiap bulan if we were to follow the trend haha. well, kadang teringat baru wish anniversary but takdela make a point to beria celebrate. but i guess tu hak individu la kan sukati uolsss la. 

10. 94 months. nak masuk 95 months dalam seminggu sket lagi ni. bila nak kahwin ni wehh?

blessing in disguise.

this week - even though today is just wednesday, is such a wonderful week for me. aku super busy dengan macam-macam hal so waktu tidur semua ke laut habis. tapi mujur today dapat cover balik aku masuk opis pun dah tengahari wohoho. and terima kasih rakan sekerja yang sangat memahami; tak marah pun aku cakap aku tidur terbongkang tadi tak larat nak bukak mata huhuhu.

seronoknya kerja di sini, they are all very understanding. selalunya kalau takde urgency diorang tak kacau lah. pandai-pandailah atur masa kan. janji kelas buat, kerja admin ke kertas exam ke apa ke semua siap. so far aku tak ada issue besar lagi; anak-anak buah pun alhamdulillah sangat bagus walaupun kadang-kadang melawan bahahaha.

nak list down apa yang best minggu ni:

1. 16 nov - genap tiga tahun kerja kat sini. i surprise myself sebab selama ni asyik tukar kerja bahahaha.

2. Bos puji aku profesional - an ex student told me he said this in class. wowwzeee love love.

3. students said, "amboi miss, sume lecturer asyik mention nama miss je dalam kelas." hoih ni ngumpat ke apa but they said they were all good stuff. i didn't ask what are they btw.

4. ex students are begging me to take over the class because they said they miss me and i am more fun bahahaha padan muka dulu kemain ngomel aku bising tak bagi skip my class.

5. a colleague is having problems with her staff; her staff some sort of idolizes me; her staff likes the way i handle things - she was taken aback i guess. the idea that someone idolizing me is cool - but knowing that it hurts my friend, i don't know what to feel. great is just not right, right?

6. i had a presentation yesterday, and my professor loved it. she loves the idea and really looking forward to see the result, in which the pressure is on bahaha. sometimes i feel like she doesn't like me but entah, lets just think positives la hihihi.

7. friends in class thought i'm super good and smart. they will come to me and ask for help - padahal aku pun clueless just like them bahahaha. i guess my acting has improved significantly hahahaha. but i feel sorry for them sebab i could be wrong too. but as long as i can help, i would be very happy to.

8. students want me to conduct a MUET course. i said yes, but they are paying me rm50 per pax for 4 sessions - 3 hours for each session. i limit the class to only 28pax - itu pun aku rasa dah ramai gila but she said it could be more. aku kesian nak refuse tapi badan dah lunyai ni kerja banyak huhuu. will see how la. i will still try to help.

the problem with me is i'm so much into helping sampai tak terkejar. but it's so rewarding to know they appreciate you. the feeling bila kau tengok students berlari di tengah padang nak kejar kereta kau just to talk nonsense, saying hi and merepek-repek: MasyaAllah. walaupun cuma cakap merepek but to know they are happy to see you, speechless beb perasaan tu. you can't get it if you don't teach wholeheartedly.

the feeling bila kau tengok bebudak ligan kau nak tanya soalan lepas kelas - seronok sangat. dalam kelas semangat tanya itu ini, very responsive and exciting - aku rasa macam dunia ni aku yang punya. bila students happy and looking forward nak datang kelas aku - aku rasa macam aku dah  berjaya menang award.

i do what i have to do. and i do it the best i can.

All in all, there's only a word i can say; Alhamdulillah.

what a day.

started the day at 4.30 am.
plan to end it at 1.30 am.

tomorrow is another day.
with hope and pray.

worried worried worried.

where are you?

monday is the day.

if i don't see you, i'm dead.

where did i get such a taste?

for now i'm so in love with tissot after seing a dear friend wearing it. i dream to own one but after looking at how much it will cost me; well, maybe in five years time we'll see huhu.

the other half always answers why he likes me when asked with this: because hati awak baik. cetttt. i don't feel that way though. i feel like a bitch especially when i'm super annoyed with how dependent his brother and his wife on him. haihhhh.

and to make it worse, i had issues with his wife some time ago. sometimes it does hunt me down even though i've tried my very best to just let go and live my life as the way it is. it hurt wayyy so much back then so should i be blamed to still feel the pain once in a while?

i'm bad, i know. i just couldn't let it go as much as i want it to. just wish no one triggers the emotion of mine. but whatever.

i'm more worried on how things will be when we are married. this kind of family dependency is not easy to deal with. sometimes i feel bad for my family. i don't do justice to my own family. terrible terrible me. i tend to say no to them. but the other half doesn't have such strength; i guess he's wayyy more kind than i am.

haih super clingy in laws can really drive you crazy, huh? 
welcome marriage nightmare.

selling holabebe pyjamas at a cheaper price.

 by the way, i have a few holabebe pyjamas for sale, and i'm selling it for RM32 per pair (prefer cod hihi). Do let me know if you're interested.

tomorrow the other half and his family will travel down south. they are going to USS on thursday, but will be staying in JB until friday. i love the idea of going to USS, but hate the idea of staying in singapore for so many reasons hihi. some may say it's the currency, but i shouldn't be bothered much on the accommodation since uncles and aunts are there but still, tak suka. i kan racist, remember? hahaha.

i jelo la sebab family dia macam bersatu-satu gitu and mine tak sangat. but i guess when you have money, life will be easier on you lah. senang, everything parents sponsor; tayah bergaduh-gaduh macam aku adik beradik hahaha. so siapa kata duit tak penting? dunia sekarang weh. it's not us yang materialistic, but the world. the world has changed so we adapt to it. nak salahkan siapa?

since the other half will be gone until friday, so esok aku balik la menjenguk kampung halaman. ecewah kauu macamlah jauh sangat kampung tu hahahaha. and since cuti aku kena potong satu hari so kenalah masuk keja on friday, kenalah balik sini balik on thursday huhuhu.

today, aku berjaya juga (at last) kemas bilik depan. berjaya juga keluarkan meja kompite dan penyidai senget benget tu dari rumahku. next thing is rak senget benget plak hahaha. eh baru teringat esok kena pegi bank amik statement. akak ejen ni ntah bila la nak bagi aku view rumah ni. hesssshhh.

abstract.

nak menulis abstract yang cuma seciput pun makan masa berhari.

bacanya seminit dua je.

ada yang few seconds je then decide 'not my cup of tea'.

fuhhhhhh.

mudahkanlah urusan dan lapangkanlah dada dan fikiran.

buntu amat ni.

helloooo world.

on saturday, i met a friend at ukm. supposedly we planned nak masuk bilik rujukan tesis tapi atas sebab tetiba tutup pulak, maka jadi satu sesi berborak pulak. i've heard about what had happened to her studies; betapa terbazirnya setahun dia tanpa progress - i felt obligated to help. cumanya aku pun terkontang-kanting membanting tulang empat kerat, jadi apa je yang aku boleh tolong pun bahaha. but i guess sometimes, to be there is a great help.

be there, and listen. to be honest, it's never an easy journey when you decide to further your studies and work at the same time. plus, it has been years since you graduated. tapi aku baru tahap masters. and she is doing her phd. so i guess hers must be harder. untungnya dia, dia dapat cuti bergaji and everything is paid. duduk pulak dengan parents, kereta best gila duit banyak hahahhaaa.

tapi benarlah Allah maha kaya, semua insan pasti ada ujiannya masing-masing. aku dipermudahkan segala urusan nak belajar and everyone around me is very helpful. dapat supervisor pun baik (walaupun aku sungguh takut dengan dia bahahaha) siap offer aku buat phd dengan beliau lagi fuhhhhhhhh aku rasa sungguh terharu di situ. selalunya student yang akan termonyeh-monyeh tawar diri, tapi in my case supervisor offer diri which is very rare so terima kasih, ya Allah. kadang aku takut i'm not up to her standard or aku sesungguhnya memang malas pun so aku rasa i'm being a badass here. tak sangka rupanya ada orang lagi teruk daripada aku so aku ni kira bagus la bahahahhahaha.

aku rasa aku tak pandai dan kadang tak matang, tapi kawan-kawan suka mai rujuk kat aku bahahaha mesti sebab aku pandai berlakon pandai ni hahahahhaa. aku berlakon je kadang tu, betul tak tipu ni hihi. acapkali orang tak percaya bila aku cakap aku tak tahu or tak reti, lagi satu kalau aku cakap aku sengkek pun orang tak percaya haha susah jugak bila jadi macma ni. bila aku cakap aku bukan daripada keluarga senang, pun tak percaya. pfffttt.

hari tu jumpa sv, segalanya lancar termasuklah bohong sunat aku bahahhaaa. she offered me to do my phd dengan dia sedangkan aku baru second sem buat masters hoih apakah. ini pun tak tahu macam mana lagi ni hahahaha. adoiyaiii.

december ni aku akan defend my research. berdebarnya toksah cakap la. teramat. but i just want it to be done and over with la. malas nak fikir dah hohoho. wish me luck k.

btw, tadi masa driving nak balik after dinner, tetiba ada spider berlari terus aku panik rage dalam kereta. macam nak nangis. the other half tah khusyuk korek gigi ke lombong bijih ke pun terkesima terus kena marah dengan aku bahahahaha. demyu spidet. may you rest in peace.

a dead end.

in three hours, i'll be meeting with my sv. walaupun sebelum ni aku selalu mengkhabarkan kata-kata indah terhadap sv aku, tetaplah jantungku berdegup laju, tangan berpeluh dan hati berdebar-debar. lately, aku kejatuhan motivasi yang teramat dek melihat ketidaksungguhan di atas sesuatu perkara.

syaiton yang direjam kemain rancak menghasut; aku sampai terfikir how can i go on with this? as if aku seorang yang berhempas pulas cuba mendapatkan kehidupan yang baik. adakah ini yang dikatakan taking advantage ke atas insan yang lemah? haih syaiton, pergilah carik orang lain. berhenti ganggu aku.

cancer ni kalau tak dirawat kian merebak. kebahagiaan dalam kedukaan. ecewah tampar pipi sendiri meh. patut siapkan kerja tapi bermadah di sini pula. haih aku tertekan amat ni. dahlah cuti next week kena potong satu hari. nak cuti pun susah la wehhhhhhhhhhhh. mensikkkkk.

aku tak tahu mana silap. lahir dalam sangkar emas, atau ditakdirkan jadi manusia biasa.  frying pan murah, hasil tak semenggah - marah. buang rezeki. marahkan dapur yang dapat pun kerana diberi percuma. kau anak orang kaya, apa kau tahu? marah sana sini bila benda tak menjadi. tapi lupa diri, yang sekarang papa kedana tak ada harta. suruh kerja, nak gaji tinggi saja.

bukit harus didaki. bukan terus ada di puncak. aku pun kerja pertama cuma RM800, epf socso pun tak ada. bukan terus dapat kerja beribu. orang nak pengalaman la sekarang, tapi kalau kau memilih - habuk pun tarak. gaji RM800 pun, besar maknanya dalam membantu aku. ke kau rasa aku tak perlu dibantu?

bodoh piang pi carik penyakit aku ni. haih.

yee mee kungfu.

aku berjaya memasak yee mee kungfu for dinner just now. hoyehhhh. i like to challenge myself - how quick can i cook. tomorrow, aku terasa nak masak something western sikit hihihi. we see how la. dok browse-browse resepi chicken wing tapi takdak yang berkenan lagi sebab most recipes banyak cengkadak dan aku baru nak build up my little pantry ecewahhhh.

problem is that, if you rarely cook, each time nak masak kena beli bahan. plus my refrigerator dah mula menunjukkan tanda-tanda nyanyuk. so end up tak la jimat mana pun bahahhaa. but now i'm having fun pergi kedai runcit beli barang basah. rasa macam thrill tengok sayur-sayur, ikan, daging etc and keep on thinking 'hurmmmm masak ni dap ni, masak tu pun dap bla bla bla' hahaha rambang mata la tewwwwww.

few dishes are on my mind but thinking that semua tu kena makan dengan nasik, which aku tak suka sangat makan, terus scrap off from mind.

esok ada talk nak attend, and the other half will be having his exam. so good luck to both of us. as for me, hopefully i don't doze off during the talk. thank god a friend will be coming too.

till then, muahhxxxxx.

random II

i notice that when i cook fried rice menggunakan beras herba poni, hasilnya tak sesedap guna beras biasa yang jauh lebih murah hewhewhewwww. then i realize, beras berkanji menyedapkan makanan walaupun menggemukkan. yang sedap selalunya tak sihat la kan bahahahaaa.

kalau masak rendang dendeng, halia lengkuas serai kena cukup. kalau tak, tak kick sangat. dan daging mesti fresh. lagi enak nom nom nom. and then i realize, aku lagi pandai masak rendang dendeng daripada mak aku hahahahaa. okay tak, mungkin kebetulan aje deria rasa mak aku terjejas hihihi.

dan skill memasak yee mee goreng aku semakin baik. within 20minutes boleh siap. fuuuhhhhh. lepas ni kena cuba yee mee kung fu pulak. annnnddddd sotong telur masin. slurrrppppppppp. 

aku pasti bulan ini blog kecintaan ini akan dipenuhi dengan bebelan duka nestapa. presssyeeerrrrr is onnnnnnn. phew. aku aim nak collect data this coming semester break. lets see how achievable is that hujung bulan ni.

by then, maybe aku sudah jadi esah gila. hope not. huuuuuuuuuuu.

doom.

one day, you are so high in spirit.

you feel like you can achieve almost everything.

then the next day, you don't even feel like lifting up yourself from the bed.

we constantly talk about how the future we wish to have.

me having my master by 2014.

perhaps start doing my phd soon after.

and planning seems so wonderful and perfect.

it sounds so easy.

but when the reality strikes, i'm in torn whether to laugh or to cry.

urghhhhhh.

life is so easy peasy when it's just in your dream.

indahnya hari ini.

i have issues with myself, and one of them is waking up in the morning. aku memang definitely bukan morning person huhuu. but there was a time yang asal pukul 8 je aku dah tak boleh tido. ooohhh i miss those days hahahah.

as discussed last night, today aku decided untuk EL. since sekarang budak tengah cuti and files semua dah submit, memang afdal sangatlah aku berehat-rehat. tapi tak rehat mana punnnnnnn. sebab ada kerja sekolah huhuhu.

semester ni, atas sebab yang tak dapat dielakkan, aku ambik satu subjek je. ramai yang tanya why aku kena banyak subjek although my study mode adalah thesis. aku pun hairan sebab starting this sem, budak baru amik 6jam sahaja. aku 18! untuk yang bekerja macam aku sumpah penat dan banyak kerja gila. yelah, dengan research aku lagi, assignment pulak semua mini research. bila buat research memang kena baca banyak gila sebab nak build up knowledge bla bla bla. eh again aku cerita kesibukan aku lagi hope tak membosankan bahahahhaha.

apa pun, aku memang enjoy the journey. walaupun masa nak sambung dulu semua discourage aku kata buat research susah susah susah susah dan macam-macam benda negatif lagi, seriously aku rasa seronok because you discover new things each and every time kau baca a journal. tu satu journal, kalau banyak?

ramai tanya pendapat aku, especially students la. mana lagi bagus - terus sambung belajar or kerja dulu? kalau kau daripada diploma, elok sambung terus. tapi kalau dah ada degree nak buat master, elok kerja dulu. sebab minda kau lebih bersedia, dan lebih matang nak handle all the assignments and what not. 

aku sambung master sebab nak duit lebih hahaha jujur ni bitau. but so far, aku enjoy the process walaupun motivation aku adalah duit. aku sponsor diri sendiri belajar ni - sengkak weh buku dah la mahal. tapi aku rasa berbaloi. walaupun aku terkejar-kejar sana sini, hidup kesempitan duit, tak dapat cuti belajar whatever - mungkin rezeki aku, aku dapat supervisor best gila. and it makes my journey more pleasing.

kesimpulan dia, apa pun niat kita nak belajar - we should enjoy the moment and learn as much as we can. every second is learning. and pilihlah supervisor yang tepat or else you'll live in hell. tak ada benda yang mudah. nak duit pun tak mudah. 

so, when you say buat research is susah, i would simply say 'bring it on!'.

random.

kadang aku rasa seperti aku membuatkan orang tertekan mendengar cerita how busy i am now; just like how i feel bila aku baca entry orang hari-hari cerita betapa sibuknya life bahahaha.

tadi, sempat bertelagah pasal period cycle aku tak teratur kembali. kalau tak makan EPO, mesti bersepah balik. haih. kadang i'm just too lazy to take the pills. rasa sangat helpless bila wujud sifat kebergantungan pada ubat. i don't like.

aku wujudkan satu statement yang aku rasa membuatkan the other half berbulu, tapi i was actually referring to the seat belts, but since it was at the wrong time of course la berlaku salah paham bahahaa small things can spark the argument, kan?

aku rasa sejak aku makin berusia ni, daya toleransi aku semakin berkurangan. i no longer enjoy watching horror movies. to make it worse, watching it with ignorant parents yang bawak anak kecil. errrr tak check ke rate movie? kat tiket kata pg13, masa tayangan 18sg. sapa salah?

i've started planning my wedding, just so you know hihihi. dan today since aku overdose caffein terus aku rasa tercungap-cungap fikir how much money it will cost me. haishhhh suddenly i don't feel like getting married.

i don't have many friends, and most of the people i know - aku dah lupa nama mereka. nama ex lagi la lupa gila. the world is small; ex schoolmate the other half kawen dengan ex classmate aku. actually, aku lupa pun we were in the same class bahahaha forgetful, kan? but i'm okay not having many friends. i'm actually quite content with my life.

today aku terlupa ada janji nak jumpa SV. i thought esok. kalau bitau the other half ni, boleh londeh telinga aku kena bebel. do you know he nag more than i do? i don't really nag. usually i would just talk nonsense. i babble instead baahahaha self defense gituuuu hihihi.

i helped to write a letter for my ex student today. current cgpa 3.85. will be graduating in human resource management. tapi tulis surat rasmi tak tahu format, language lintang pukang. tunggang tarak kalau orang utara kata. i don't know what they were taught, but i think our education system fails miserably. please, stop being so exam oriented, bleh? u need more than just As in all subjects.

ada student aku seorang ni. aku label dia budak sexual harassment sebab bila dia bercakap dengan aku, suka main zip seluar. WTH. since last week dok text mengganggu aku haishhh. eh bukan ganggu bukan-bukan. last week result dah keluar; apa lagi meroyan la result dapat tak best. boleh pulak persoalkan aku kenapa markah dia rendah, mintak aku double check, ini melibatkan masa depan dia bla bla bla. nak dapat markah cemana, dah kalau part essay kau takde isi, ayat ulang-ulang eja pun salah. eja shop, three and high pun salah. tayah cakap la pasal ongoing marks. aku malas nak layan. pertama, message tak beradab. kedua, memang tak boleh tolong.

kadang, aku rasa aku kejam. but that's just life. and i don't bite if you don't start.