do i really wanna be younger?

i have a friend. i met her when i first entered my DA class. she was quiet. she didn't talk much. and she looked weirdly at me as if screening my face when i asked if there was anyone sitting next to her. when she said no, i sat down and smiled sheepishly because i was late, and she smiled back. we didn't talk much, even when i asked her to join our group she was a bit hesitant and later she decided to do it with others.

few weeks later, many started to drop off the subject, her group mates were included so she was left alone. she requested if she could join us, so we welcomed her - just to learn that she would be gone for two weeks to perform umrah. but it wasn't a problem because coincidentally our topics were not due when she wasn't around. 

we had fun doing the works together. she did all the slides, we would meet up and discuss. i owe her so much for being so understanding with us as she is a full time student and we aren't. there was a day we had lunch together and i felt like i want to keep her as a friend. i'm a bit choosy when selecting whom i want to have as friends but i like her because she's different. she's so different than i am, but i can relate to her so it's weird.

i feel weird yet honoured at the same time because she invited me to join her friends for a backpacking trip to Japan. the gesture and the thought are overwhelming for someone like me who doesn't really know how to befriend people bahaha talking about being choosy it's actually me having issues with people heh.

and to know that a colleague of mine is willing not to invite others so that i would come and bring my sweetheart together, so that we would be comfortable, so that people don't judge me as i've always been at my workplace - i just can't stop loving these people.

if people ask me if i wish to be younger, i would say yes because i could do so many things like saving more money and travel around the world - something i wish to do long time ago. and if i can turn back time, there are things i want to change especially myself and how i long to say to papa i love him so much despite all the arguments but i know i can't. i can never have the time back. and i can never be younger.

but i don't feel bad for myself. even though i can't join her to Japan, next year i'm going to get married so that's good for me. that's even better. i can't wait for it. i can't breath properly each time i think about how at last our waiting will be over, i'm just super excited. i lost papa, my best friend but Allah gives me another, my soul mate. and i appreciate mama even more - even sometimes i behaved like i don't but i'm no longer hesitant to text her apologizing and telling her i love her. 

i can't wait to be your wife. even though i'm bad at keeping the house clean and tidy. sorrryyyy. but i love you so much hope it helps bahahahhaa.

i don't get to go to japan, but i get a husband. i think that's fair enough. the best deal ever. so no, i don't want to be younger. being younger means i wouldn't get to know great people i have in my life now. being younger means i'm not that wise.

being younger means my mom wouldn't allow me to get married. so again, no i don't want to be younger because i'm so gatai to kawennn hahahaaa.