berbaloi-baloi?

i quit my job in 2009 for two reasons. my father had a heart attack and a minor stroke came as an effect of the medicine for his heart - so i took the responsibility to care for him. it wasn't easy because appointments were a lot, and there were times papa refused to do it. it was a challenge, physically and mentally to care for sick parents. for those who are doing it now, you have my utmost respect, seriously. been there, done that. i know how difficult things can get.

plus, i never loved the job anyway. so it was an easy decision, despite of the idea that i wouldn't get money at the end of the month and i own a car to be paid with little saving. very little saving. but i guess when your intention was right, everything fell on the right place for you. at least, for me. furthermore, my sister and i had the exact time of starting the job and hers seems more promising than mine and most people believe it would be easier for me to get a decent job compared to her, so never mind let me let go. 

during that period, i got an offer to teach in the east, which is very far from home. not that i'm not independent, but the idea of leaving my dad was not comforting, so i passed that off. for that, i lost my cousin hewhewehwew. then i had another offer, nearby the house. great, i thought. but the drawbacks were it would only begin in two months and the payment was uncertain. it was a contract basis, and i would only entitle for allowance once i become permanent. and i was in dire need of financial assistance. i put that on hold because i was hoping for a better offer.

and that better offer was made on 13 november 2009, and i was asked to report for duty on 16 november. the drawback - it is 40+km away from home. papa was so sad when i decided to accept the offer, because it meant i would be less home. he wanted me to travel daily, but i was such a weak lady and my schedule did not allow me to do that. one of those days, i finished at 11pm. imagine that long stretch hours. it ate me up plus the toll and fuel were killing me. i assured him that i would be home in weekends, but i guess it was not a good excuse.

brothers and sisters,

it is not easy to juggle between work and family. and for new graduates, it will be tougher in terms of financial. i couldn't afford it to make it every week. when you start working, you will need time to adapt to your financial management. it is not easy especially when you get very excited to know how much you have at the end of the month. it took me almost a year to adjust, finding the right way to actually spend money without sacrificing too much. but by the time i get used to it and am able to spend on parents more, my dad is gone.

he's gone before i get to treat him more than i wish. he's gone before i get the chance to be home more on weekends. he's gone before i can give him more every month. it's sad if i were to think of what i've missed to provide for him as he had done so much for me - but i know i couldn't live with guilt all the time. 

so papa, the promotion i got yesterday is for you. i know if you are here, you'll be proud of me and i know you'll have makan-makan as always. and i know you will rub my back and say, 'i know you can'. and mama, i love you and  now that i have more to give, this is also for you.

it's just a little promotion, but to know that it could bring me somewhere and they see my potential and appreciate what i do for a living - it's priceless. even though it's just a small department. it means big in my heart. thank you. thank you. thank you.

now i'm shivering thinking of all the responsibilities. hewhewhewhew.